Ok so I have this blog....now what? I know some people who use their blogs as their own personal diary, opening their lives up for all to read for the sheer release of it. That's really not me. But I also don't want to use this as, say, my online recipe book or as a running commentary on what I think about American Idol (which I love by the way, J.Lo has officially won me over). So I guess it'll be something in the middle--you won't hear about my latest appointment to the gyno but I'll also try not to bore you with my latest coupon find. Or maybe I will. I'm so indecisive.
Actually, let's talk about my indecisiveness. Last week I took my daughter Jordana (or Jojo as we like to call her, she's only eight months old and still needs to grow into Jordana) to the doctor because I was sure she had an ear infection. However, the doctor reassured us that her ear-pulling and headshaking (like she was telling me, "NO mommy") was just a symptom of teething. Fine. Fast-forward one week, to yesterday, and in addition to the shaking and pulling thing she also has a monster cold. Oh and her sleeping. Wait, what sleep? Right, nooooo sleep. SO I called the doctor again last night and explained to the receptionist that even though we were just there a week ago, and even though the doctor gave us a clean bill of health, I think Jojo has an ear infection, can we get an appointment? Kind receptionist lady scheduled us for 10:30 (this morning) and I'm looking forward to finally getting this off my mind.
But last night the doubt crept in again. First, Alex: there's no way it's an ear infection, the doctor would have seen it last week. Then, Jojo herself: acting all feisty and happy. Not the way an allegedly sick little girl should act. But still, the ear pulling, the lack of sleep, the stuffy nose! And yet...
This morning, bright and early at 9:00 a.m., I called kind receptionist lady and cancelled my appointment. Ohhh but silly me, by 10:00 I had called back and rescheduled....because it could be an INFECTION BY GOD.
Now, I know this isn't normal. Isn't that the first step to recovery? Recognition. Oh and I recognize-- this is not normal. I mean, when Alex and I go to a restaurant I have to order exactly what he orders, even though I don't want it, because when his food arrives, it'll look way better than mine and I'll regret what I ordered. This type of indecision is fine when it comes to food, even...cute, perhaps? Ok, no, it's just annoying, but when it comes to Jojo, well, then it's just downright bad. Our kids rely on us mothers to know what the right thing to do is. To make plans and get them done. To make choices and stick by them. Wishy-washy doesn't fly in mommyhood. If I can't act as advocate/decision -maker for my eight month old, then who will?
Well, there's a silver-lining to this little anecdote. I took her to the doctor and guess what? Yup, she has an ear infection. (That's not the silver-lining. I feel awful she's sick, poor baby). No, the moral to this story is trust your instinct. I had a gut feeling and followed it, even though it took me awhile to get there. So from now on I'm going to try not to second-guess myself, especially when it comes to Jojo. She needs
a strong woman in her corner, not a scared little girl. Plus, I got to say "I told you so" to Alex. Maybe THAT'S the silver lining. hehe.